Little Talks, Big Impact: The Power of Words

I spoke at assembly about the book of Proverbs, which gives us advice on words and their impact. You will know that, at PLC Sydney, we talk regularly about love as a verb and not a noun, about all the ways we can lean into curiosity as a kind of love, and so flourish in the process. Cultivating our language carefully is one of these ways of learning to love.

I told the girls a story of when I was in Year 9. My parents sent me to a brand new school. I was 14, keen to make new friends, and keen to start a new life at this school. Like many teenagers, I was fairly keen to melt into the walls, make some decent friends and get on with my life.

I was sitting in maths, and working through some algebra. I was in the back row, near the window. We had a casual teacher. I do not remember her name or one single other person in the classroom that day. I do remember, with astonishing clarity, that the casual teacher turned around to me and said, “You. You with the freckles and the braces. Shoosh”.

I don’t remember what I said or didn’t say. I only remember the quiet dying inside, because - and I have no idea how - that teacher picked the two things about me that I would be happy to consign to the dustbin of history.

Now, I am absolutely positive that this teacher just wanted me to shoosh. I’m sure she just wanted to get on with things. But my goodness, how those words stuck with me. Now that I am older, I often have this thought: I remember that moment with quivering clarity. I am fairly sure that no other person on the planet remembers it. And so my next thought is this one: what have I said, in casual or quick ways, that have hurt someone, and I know nothing about? What history have I created that is walking out there in the world, that I do not know I have authored?

These words from Proverbs give us wise ways to live. Whether or not you have decided that the God of the Bible is the Creator whom you could believe in doesn’t prevent you from accessing these brilliant nuggets of advice for how to live your life. And the words we just read help us with how we use our words. Words can kill, as we saw with my 14-year-old confidence. I’m sure we all have a memory like that, whether the speaker is a friend, an enemy, a family member or a colleague.

As you know, I am an English teacher. I spoke to the girls about the play Macbeth, which is all about words and what they can do. As you might know, no actor will call it “Macbeth”. They will call it “The Scottish play”. Why? Because, so the story goes, if they utter the word “Macbeth”, bad things will happen. Actors will break legs. Fires might break out in the rehearsal spaces. Sets may break apart. Why? The play Macbeth is about the way words don’t decorate reality, but make it. Lady Macbeth says, at a critical point in the play: “Come, you spirits, that tend on mortal thoughts. Unsex me here, fill me from the crown to the toe top full of direst cruelty. Make thick my blood”. These words absolutely terrified Renaissance audiences. Why? Because Renaissance audiences believed that words don’t decorate reality, they make it. So, when the actor says these words, “come you spirits”, they came, actor or not. And, as I said to the girls, I actually think that Renaissance audiences were right about language and its power, and it is we who are backwards. Words make things.

If words can do these terrible things, it stands to reason that words can also, as the Bible says here, bring healing, light, and life. Words can make things. Words can offer hope. Words can give life. In this verse, the Bible tells us that “a gentle answer turns away wrath”, and that “the tongue of the wise brings knowledge”, and “the soothing tongue is the tree of life”. Just as I will never forget the words of the casual teacher who casually hurt me, so I will never forget the words of people who told me I was better than I knew, that I could live into a future I never thought possible. Their words have grown me into the person I am today.

A friend told me that one day I would lead something.

I had a teacher who once told me that, although I didn’t know all the big words, I had smart ideas.

My mother once told me that freckles are like God’s stars sprinkled on my face.

And recently, after I admitted to someone I absolutely hate going to the dentist, this person said, “That’s funny, because I was just thinking about what a shiny smile you have”.

When I spoke to the girls, I asked them to remember that when you speak to someone, you are helping to shape the future. Remember not to hurt people, casually or otherwise. Remember to speak truth in love, kindness and hope. You never know. The words we utter, we may never remember. But others may remember them forever. I challenged the girls: Make sure those words count for good.

At home, here are some ways to cultivate love borne of language: